Potty training is an exciting phase to enter for everyone involved. And it’s important to remind ourselves throughout that it is, in fact, only a phase.

From preparing to potty train, to navigating the process and even after the training is “complete,” there are a lot of questions to be asked and decisions to be made.

Asia Susko, MD, has answers to those questions and helpful information to inform those decisions.

Potty training: Where (and when) to begin?

When will your child be ready for potty training?

“Every family and every child is different,” Dr. Susko says.

Dr. Susko notes that for most children, signs of potty-training readiness begin between 18 and 24 months. Some signs to look out for include:

• Sitting down on their own
• Pulling clothing down
• Imitating behaviors of using the bathroom
• Noticing/communicating wet or soiled diapers
• Showing interest in caretakers or others using the bathroom
• Requesting to wear underwear

Of course, these are only a few signs. You know your kids best and will be able to pick up on clues that they are ready to begin potty training.

When you start potty training is less about age and more about when your child shows signs that they're ready to use the toilet.

Normalizing the potty

For successful potty training, it’s important that we’re all comfortable with the bathroom. It may not be a new room for your child, but the overall experience will feel new and different.

• Be clear and open about the process. Explain what the bathroom and the toilet are used for.
• Get comfortable. Start to spend more time in the bathroom with your child. Even just having them sit on the toilet with the lid down is a great place to start. Anything to familiarize them with the area will be helpful.
• Read books. There are plenty of potty training books out there. These children's books do a great job instilling confidence and building comfortability around using the potty.
• Take is slow. If there is some push back or resistance around using the potty, start slow. Sitting on the potty with clothes on can be a start. Every few trips you can remove a piece of clothing. Before you know it, you’re down to a diaper.
• Flushing. Flushing can be loud and startling, or it can be fun and exciting. Explain what flushing is and gauge your child’s sensory level. They may want to flush themselves, or they may need a slower introduction to flushing. Start with them outside of the bathroom, and have them take steps in each time you flush to build their comfort level.

Potty training boys vs. girls

At a high-level, the same potty-training approach can work for any child, regardless of gender.  Still, it’s helpful to know that girls tend to be ready to potty train slightly earlier than boys.

The biggest difference is when potty training boys, you’re teaching aim and accuracy, too.

“If you have a training potty, try adding a Cheerio or a sticker inside the bowl,” Dr. Susko says. “This gives them something to aim for and helps them develop control and accuracy.”

Potty training pooping

Recognizing the feeling of having to go to the bathroom is a huge part of potty training. For peeing, it’s more simple to turn that feeling into action. Pooping can require a bit more time, training and patience.

“For stooling, have them sit on the toilet a few minutes at a time,” Dr. Susko suggests. This helps them get comfortable with the environment and with the process. Even if they don’t go potty, spending those couple of minutes on the potty should be celebrated as progress.

Be cognizant of constipation, too. Constipation can hurt, and one painful poop can lead to resistance around pooping and holding it in. Make sure you’re including plenty of fluids and fiber in diets while potty training.

Praise the progress

It can never hurt to try and go potty. So before getting in the car or leaving a location, always suggest trying. If they don’t go potty, that’s OK. Still praise the effort sitting on the toilet or the time trying in the bathroom. Think of a quick, catchy way to celebrate, like “T for Try!”

Try and limit the trying time to 2 or 3 minutes. Going longer than that can sometimes start to build a negative relationship with the toilet or bathroom.

Sticker charts are a great way to celebrate, too. Acknowledge successful trips to the bathroom with colorful stickers. It’s a way to celebrate together and a visual reminder of the progress they’ve made.

Take breaks

Learning new skills can be tough. If you notice your child getting frustrated with potty training or toileting, it’s OK to take a break.

Take a week or two off and then reintroduce it when the time feels right. Trying to force it is not going to help. The toilet isn’t going anywhere, and a couple more weeks in diapers isn’t going to hurt anything.

Practice patience

No matter which potty training method you choose, patience is going to be key. Going potty is second nature for you, but remember: The idea of potty training is brand new to your child. Learning the feeling, becoming familiar with the process and the environment, learning not to touch parts of the potty — there is a lot going on! It’s important you remain calm and show praise and patience. There is no set time for how long potty training takes — every kid moves at their own pace.

“The biggest thing is consistency,” says Dr. Susko. “Especially among caregivers, between mom and dad, grandparents, daycare, whomever it may be taking care of them, it should be consistent.”

- Asia Susko, MD

Feel comfortable talking to daycare teachers about your expectations and how you’re approaching toilet training. Making sure everyone is on the same page builds that consistency and helps eliminate confusion.

Patience is especially important when potty training neurodivergent children, including children with autism or ADHD who may have different communication styles, sensory sensitivities, routines or learning needs. Some children may require some additional time, repetition and support, and that is OK.

Accidents happen 

This should come as no surprise: Accidents happen. When they do, carry your patience into how you respond. Remain as calm as you can, don’t get upset, and provide reassurance and positive reinforcement.

• “It’s OK!”
• “Accidents happen.”
• “It’s no big deal.”
• “Let’s do our best to make it to the potty next time.”

Accidents are not a reflection of potty training success. Expect setbacks and remember to stay calm.

Potty training regression

In some cases, you may notice a regression in progress. While this is normal, it’s worth contacting your pediatrician to make sure that nothing is wrong. Consider stressors that may be contributing to the regression. These could include:

• Moving
• New pets
• New baby
• Sick family member
• Changes in routine

Urinary tract infections (UTIs) can be the cause of a child beginning to urinate themselves after having achieved continence. Following up with your doctor after you notice a regression can get you the answers you need to get back on track.

If your child reaches age 4 and is still not daytime potty trained, it’s a good time to reach out to your doctor and see what’s going on. Nighttime potty training develops naturally overtime and takes a little bit longer. A good age range to be nighttime potty trained is between 5 and 7 years old. As you approach age 7 and are still noticing overnight accidents, talk to your pediatrician about causes and solutions.

Keep them involved in the process

Be sure to keep your child invested in the process. Creating a sense of ownership around potty training can go a long way. To help give them a sense of control, let them choose:

• The training potty they like best
• Underwear, clothes or diapers
• Flushing or not
• Getting undressed/dressed before/after using the potty

And always try and lead with, “Do you have to go potty?” before suggesting, “Let’s go potty.”

Keep it clean

Hygiene is a very important part of potty training. Because so many things are new, children will be curious. They’ll want to take control, to lower the toilet seat, to look at their stool, to flush and more. These are all normal things. It’s just important to clean up after. Here are some ways to practice hygienic potty training:

• Wiping. Parents and caregivers, take the lead. Your child will likely want to do this themselves, which is great. But even after instilling the correct, front to back way to wipe, you’ll still want to make sure you do a final pass to help prevent irritation and infections.  Generally speaking, children will be able to take on wiping themselves around age 4 to 5.
• Hand washing. Include handwashing as part of using the bathroom. It doesn’t matter if it was a #1, a #2 or just an attempt to use the potty. We always wash our hands before we leave the bathroom.
• No fragrances or perfumes. Always use unscented wipes and products. You never know what may affect your child, and potty training isn’t the time to find out.

If you have any questions or concerns during your potty training journey, never hesitate to reach out to your pediatrician.