Empathy is one of the most important skills a child can learn. It helps them build friendships, navigate conflicts and grow into adults who understand and care about others’ feelings. But teaching empathy isn’t always straightforward, especially in a world full of screens and social media.

Empathy and social media

“I think there can be a lot of impairment in social skills when we are utilizing, or almost overutilizing, screens and social media,” says Marisa Taylor, LPC, child and family therapist at Children’s Hospital Colorado’s Pediatric Mental Health Institute. “There are deficits in our in-person social interactions.”

Conventions of online communication, such as using emojis or abbreviated responses can make it difficult to understand someone’s tone, leading to missed social cues and anxiety. “Kids can struggle to understand what the other person is trying to say and what their emotions are in each situation,” Taylor explains.

Empathy allows children to more easily recognize and respond to other kids’ feelings, forming the foundation of strong relationships at home, school and in their community. “We are social beings,” Taylor says. “We are in social settings everywhere we go. It's the foundation of social skills to be able to recognize what other people are experiencing and how to interact with them in an effective way.”

Taylor notes that teaching empathy can be challenging when parents or caregivers are juggling many responsibilities. “We all have things that are pulling our attention and fires that we need to put out,” Taylor says. “Slowing down and talking about emotions is hard, but also impactful.”

Model thoughtful communication

Taylor encourages caregivers to show children how to pause and reflect before responding, especially when emotions are high. “If we are in difficult social interactions, sometimes we want to jump on our impulses and say whatever’s on our mind,” she says. Instead, through play and everyday interactions with kids, caregivers can model this type of reflection.

It’s important to discuss how to talk about feelings, how to identify feelings and appropriate ways to express feelings. Taylor explains that it’s never too early to start explaining and teaching empathy. Even from pre-school and kindergarten, empathy starts with learning how to share toys and apologize for hurting others.

Taylor explains that making feelings a part of regular conversation is critical to teaching kids to behave with empathy. Weaving emotions into discussions with your child can teach them to be emotionally aware and also provide them with the vocabulary to talk about their feelings.

In those moments of reflection, caregivers can emphasize that each person’s emotions matter and are worth sharing. They can also take the opportunity to build discussions around joy, stressors, worries or things that may cause anger. “For children, building the language around emotions is what’s key,” Taylor says.

Being kind online

A lot of miscommunications can arise from online conversations. In this increasingly digital age, it’s important to talk with your kids about kindness and positive communication online.

Here are some helpful reminders to give your child about their online behavior:

• Pause before you send: It’s important to take a moment of reflection before you send a message to someone else. Your intentions may not be accurately communicated through what you send. It’s good to double check and consider how your words may affect the other person.
• Comment with kindness: Similarly, it’s good to take some reflection time before you post any comments on a peer’s social media post. Think about what your words could say to the other person.
• Meaningful responses: Sometimes it’s better to take a moment and think of a thoughtful, uplifting and positive response. Things like emojis may not show that you actually care about what the other person is saying.

It’s also important that caregivers model positive online behavior for their children. For instance, respect your child’s privacy and ask them before you post something with or about them online.

It’s also great to encourage in-person conversations with peers rather than online messages, especially if a child expresses that they are having a difficult time with a friend. It’s important for a child not to jump to any conclusions about the other person’s intentions. In-person communication can clear up any confusion.

Family norms and values

Caregivers can model in-person social interactions through family norms and values. This can include:

• Active listening: Encouraging face-to-face conversations by having everyone in the family put their screens away for dinner. It’s equally important for caregivers to put your own screens away and give your child your full attention when they talk to you.
• Community involvement: Another way to model empathy is giving back to the community as a family. You can teach your children empathy by volunteering every month at a food bank, for example. This can help children understand what other people need, what is happening in their community and how they can make other individuals feel happy.
• Expressing gratitude: Make it a family norm to say “thank you” to one another for small acts of kindness, such as sharing a toy or helping with a chore. These experiences help children notice and appreciate the positive things in their own lives. Practicing gratitude can strengthen a child’s empathy, as recognizing their own joy helps them understand and care about the feelings of others.
• Conflict resolution: It is OK to have disagreements with peers, but it’s important to teach kids healthy ways to communicate through disagreements. Model things like taking turns to speak, speaking with a calm tone and listening to the other person. Have your child express the way that certain actions made them feel, while still hearing the other person’s perspective.

Perspective-taking

Caregivers can also help children develop empathy by guiding them to consider and understand other peoples’ perspectives. When a child comes to a caregiver with a peer conflict, for example, it’s important to first validate their feelings and then guide them to consider how the other child may have felt in the situation.

Validation tips

Taylor says that validating your child’s emotions is a key first step to them hearing other perspectives. Taylor acknowledges that validation can be hard sometimes. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with your child’s feelings or actions. Validation means you can understand where the difficult feeling or behavior is coming from.  "It makes sense that you feel this way” can be a powerful statement that connects you with your child.

For instance, if your child is throwing a temper tantrum, you don’t have to agree with their behavior but once they have calmed down, you can recognize their feelings: “I can tell you’re having a really hard day right now, and I understand that.”

After validation takes place, children may be more willing to hear a little more information from the other side of the conflict, and may even be able to participate in some problem-solving. They need to feel validated in their emotions before they can begin to understand someone else’s perspective.

Role-playing

Role-playing can be a powerful way to help children practice understanding others’ feelings. Caregivers can use books, TV shows or movies to point out moments where a character uses empathy or even lacks empathy. You can ask questions like “How do you think that made them feel?” This helps children connect emotions to real situations they already understand.

You can also act out scenarios at home, such as sharing toys or resolving a disagreement. This can model how respectful, in-person conversations should sound when conflict arises. These small, everyday moments give children a safe space to practice empathy ahead of possible challenges.

Cultural understanding

Aside from typical peer conflicts, it's also important to teach children about challenges or experiences that other people face, especially if they haven’t encountered it themselves. This could include teaching about racism or cultural differences. Everyone has separate identities and sets of unique challenges or obstacles they have to handle. 

Building empathy in kids who are neurodivergent

Neurodivergent children, such as those with Autism Spectrum Disorders, ADHD, learning disabilities and/or other mental health conditions, may be quicker to lean on their impulses when it comes to conflict.  Help children who tend to act impulsively by encouraging them to slow down-- through the practice of deep breathing and mindfulness techniques, and taking breaks to think through difficult situations.  Caregivers might need to be more creative with introducing reflection opportunities through games or interest-based activities.

This can be done through conversation, role-playing or pretend play that allows kids to act out different scenarios and consider how the other person might feel. Caregivers can participate by asking questions like, “How would they feel in that situation?” This encourages the child to practice thinking outside of their perspective.

Sibling relationships

Caregivers can use sibling relationships to help teach and model empathy. “It’s not helpful, in the heat of the moment to intervene,” Taylor says. “But in private conversations after a conflict, it can be helpful to build up a mutual understanding of each child’s perspective.”

After everyone has calmed down, caregivers can help each sibling express their emotions, hear the other’s side and reflect on how the other person might be feeling. This approach keeps the conflict from escalating and allows parents to model healthy emotional communication. By handling sibling conflicts in this way, children can experience empathy in a familiar, everyday setting.

Helping children grow into compassionate adults

By modeling empathy, guiding perspective-taking and weaving care and gratitude into daily conversations, caregivers can help children grow into thoughtful, compassionate individuals who care about those around them. When families slow down, talk about feelings and create opportunities to understand others’ experiences, children begin to see empathy not as a lesson, but a regular part of everyday life. These small, consistent moments build the foundation for strong relationships at home, at school and out in the world.