“I want to quit!”

Every parent hears these four words sooner or later. It’s natural for kids to change interests, get frustrated or want to try something different. But when they tell you they want to quit, whether it’s a sport, club, or other activity, how should you respond?

We sat down with Allie Morford, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist at Children’s Hospital Colorado and Dennis Coonan, athletic trainer and program manager of the Sports Medicine Center, to get advice about what to say, what to ask and what to do next.

How to talk with your child about quitting

It all starts by having an open conversation with your kid. Choose a calm moment to talk about quitting — not in the car rushing or after an emotional game. Kids tend to open up when they’re given the space to do so. Be curious and sincere during your conversation. You can start by asking the following:

• Why don’t you want to do it anymore?
• How do you feel when you go to this activity?
• What did you like about it at first?
• When did your feelings change?
• Is it the coach?
• Is it the level?

By asking these questions, you will begin to understand why your child wants to quit. For example, they may be struggling to make friends, feeling anxious or embarrassed. Or they may not be feeling confident in their abilities and comparing themselves to their friends or peers.

Once you understand what’s driving their desire to quit, you can respond in a way that supports them emotionally and decide on the next steps together. Dr. Morford says kids are most successful when parents validate their emotions, letting them feel seen while also instilling confidence in them that they’re capable of handling big feelings.

What parents should ask themselves about quitting

After listening to their concerns, Dr. Morford suggests checking in with your own motivations. For example, why is it important to you that your kid sticks with this? Is it because you’re trying to teach them an important lesson? If so, are they able to learn that lesson in a different way? Do they want to quit things often or is this new?

“What it comes down to is, are your kids learning those important life skills in other aspects and they really just don’t enjoy this?” Dr. Morford says. “You don’t have to pick this battle if they’re getting the life skill of perseverance in other areas. We’re teaching them that sometimes it’s OK to stop things.”

Ultimately, stepping back can help parents see the bigger picture.

“Childhood is about exploration,” Dr. Morford says. “It’s about trying things and learning what they do and don’t like. We’re into new things all the time. Allow your kids to explore the world.”

Signs your kid is burned out

Burnout happens when the demands of an activity outweigh the joy or energy a child gets from it. Too many activities, too much of the same activity or too much pressure can all contribute to a child feeling burned out and wanting to quit. Your kid should be excited to play in a game, go to practice and see their friends. Take note of any changes in your child’s mood and ask yourself the following:

• Has there been a sudden lack of motivation?
• Are they miserable every time they go?
• Are they showing signs of anxiety about their performance?
• Are these feelings spilling into other parts of life?

Some burnout stems from too much pressure in one area, especially if a child is specializing too early.

“My recommendation is don’t let your kid specialize in one thing and not let them do anything else,” Coonan says. “It’s important for kids to get a variety of activities — and it doesn’t have to be only sports. They should be involved in well-rounded activities focusing on building different skills.”

If you’re concerned that your kid is experiencing burnout and it’s affecting their mood, talk to your pediatrician.

“It all goes back to the question — what is the motivator for wanting to quit?” Dr. Morford says.

If my child feels they aren’t talented or skilled enough, how can I help reassure them?

For both sports and activities, it’s important that kids are placed at an age and skill level that’s right for them.

“If they are placed at too advanced of a level, they’re going to feel overwhelmed,” Coonan says.

It’s also worth noting that everyone develops at their own pace. There’s no set timeline for developing skills. Even Michael Jordan, a six-time NBA champion, didn’t make the varsity basketball team until his junior year of high school.

“Encourage your kids to keep trying.” Coonan says. “Ask them if there’s anything in particular that they don’t think they’re good at and offer to help them work on it.”

How can goal setting help my child become more confident?

Setting realistic goals gives kids a roadmap and that helps build greater confidence.

Coonan encourages families to think about setting shared, realistic goals with their child instead of pushing them toward an overwhelming or unattainable outcome. Focus on what they want from their sport or activity, like having fun, building confidence, teamwork, and find what sport or activity fits their needs.

“There’s a tiny percentage of athletes who are naturally gifted and don’t necessarily have to work as hard initially to be successful,” Coonan says. Ask them, if you want to get from where you are today to where you want to be, what do you think you’ll need to do?"

Should my child finish out the activity or sports season?

Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide. When making that final decision, parents should check their own motivations again by reflecting on the following questions:

• Is my child’s well-being at risk if they continue?
• Why am I concerned about my child quitting?
• Am I concerned because of the money I’ve already invested?
• Am I concerned because of a value that I hold or pressure from other parents?

If there’s no immediate harm or danger, such as worsening anxiety, bullying or a significant drop in self-esteem, Dr. Morford and Coonan suggest encouraging your child to finish the activity or sport season.

“First, acknowledge that your kid is feeling upset, frustrated or sad.” Dr. Morford says. “You might say, ‘That sounds like a really hard feeling to have. I see that you’re feeling really sad.’ Then, give them the confidence by reminding them that they're capable of handling the uncomfortable emotions.”

Explain that finishing the season doesn’t mean they have to continue forever. It’s about following through on a commitment, learning resilience and seeing things through even when it’s tough. Celebrate small wins along the way and let them know that they can reassess their involvement after the season or activity ends. No matter what happens, quitting isn’t a sign of failure. It’s normal for kids to lose interest in certain activities and stepping away can be a healthy choice.

“Sometimes there’s a reason to push through discomfort to learn a new skill,” Dr. Morford says. “At the same time, I also want to give parents permission to let their kids quit sometimes.”